POWER of the SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

Archive for June 2nd, 2009

Life is very busy now.  I have so many projects I am working on now that I have not had time to update this blog but I have been working in a lot of areas related to it.  

Just the other day I surfed to another blog and saw something that seemed to have been written for me.   It was on the blog of Dov Barron  and saw the following:

What if the shit is a gift?

What if what’s going on right now in your life is the greatest gift you could have ever imagined, however there is no way for you to know it for at least 3,6, 12 or 36 months from now?

What if the heat of your situation is what is needed to hatch your dream?

What if ‘this’ hatches a passion within you that under any other circumstances you couldn’t have seen let alone embraced?

What if ‘this’ was is a game you play with yourself?

What if this become your best way to let go of what you no longer needed?

What if this is all a lesson in learning to trust yourself?

What if all this is simply to have you see what really matters?

What if this is your wake up call?

And what if you woke up?  What would you be waking up from?  What would you be awakening into?

What if you’ve been so focused on what might happen that you’ve blinded yourself to what is happening that’s great.

What if in truth this is a precious jewel wrapped in crap? Would you be willing to take the chance of getting your hands a little dirty in order to really find and recognize that jewel?

I can relate to everyone one of those lines having recently come out of the most shitty experience of my life. 

At first I spent a lot of time in reflection and asking how I could have attracted a sick psychopath into my life.  How he so easily sabotaged my relationship with my girl friend and turned her against me taking my baby son away from in the process.

The part that really got to me was that he did it for fun.  I have since learnt a lot about this very sad individual and been in contact with members of his family who have basically disowned him and apologised to me for the pain he put me through.

The cruellest irony is that in engaging and fighting him I have pushed them closer together.   Had I handled it differently he would have had his jollies breaking up my relationship and moved on long ago. 

In her he has found a girl he can control.   She buys drugs for him and they use together.  I know she has been living in fear as once she called an ex-friend crying and telling her that I had people following them around and had a contract out on their life.   Wow me!  Amazing what a combination of a manipulative lying psychopath and drugs can do to someone who is otherwise very intelligent.   Apparently fear is a common control method a psychopath uses in a relationship.

Last week I was advised that a notice had been placed in the newspaper with an Arrest warrant for me.  Upon further investigation I have determined that it was for non support of my child.  Again this is the psychopath playing games.  

They both disappeared last year as he has arrest warrants in two countries.  I tried to send money via her family but they refused to accept it telling me I needed to sort things out with her directly which of course I could not do.   They have always been able to contact me but chose not to and now have quietly lodged a case against me just to obtain an arrest warrant and publish my picture in the paper in an attempt to embarrass me.

I am so far beyond that.   In fact I totally amazed myself over the next few days by being totally relaxed.  I felt an inner peace and total lack of concern about the matter.   I have no intention of going back where they are anyway.   Not while the psychopath is on the scene anyway and I know that it is only a matter of time before he moves on.   

I just need to wait.   Even if he read this and out of his determination to win at all costs resolved to stay with my ex-girl friend he will still eventually move on.   A psychopath can modify or curtail their behaviour only for a short period but their sickness is hard wired in their brain.  He will move on sooner or later.

Anyway back to my reflection.  I have come to realize that I really did attract everything that happened into my life. 

I am actually very loyal person and the other thing I really could not understand was how someone that you love could be so evil to you.  How could they intentionally hurt you so much.  At first I blamed the psychopath but when I really analysed the situation the ex-girlfriend was a very active participant in the nasty games they played on me.

I have finally realized that she is still a victim despite her very active participation, and I realize that I have a responsibility to help her once the psychopath does abandon her.   I have obtained an additional ATM card already for that purpose. 

I have also realized that I neglected her emotionally and was so selfish and preoccupied with my own feelings that I allowed the tragedy to unfold.  I basically did everything wrong in terms of my reaction.

 There was a time when she was constantly testing me and demanding things from me but it was the psychopath that was pulling the string.  So of course I failed each test.    The psychopath was also pretending to be my friend and feeding back lies and half truths to her.  I really had no chance.

I say I had no chance but I was acting instinctually.  There are fundamental principles in life that can guide your actions and if you adhere to these then things can only go in the right direction.  This is what Wallace Wattles calls Acting in the Certain Way.

I feel like I have been on a long journey and these experiences have made me stronger and prepared me for something special.  

So when I read  What if the shit is a gift? I thought yes it has been.